shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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