just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
