If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dignity is for republicans.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just high enough for therapy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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