ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
