I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
