you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
