She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
