Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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