I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize