No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
