I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
