I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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