oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
