this beer tastes like vomit already
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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