just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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