I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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