ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
