I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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