Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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