alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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