operation have a gay friend backfired
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
