i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
