idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
