i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
