fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
