Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
