found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
