i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sorry about my life...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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