hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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