Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
