just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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