I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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