you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
