he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
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So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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