I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i love accidental penises.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
