yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
