At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
