From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
