I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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