the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
