I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
