You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
