my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
