C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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