I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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