I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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