omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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