Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Houston, we have a blender
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
