Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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