A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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