I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
