You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
