Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
