I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
