Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
