I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
