Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
