I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
