i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Rumble strips road head = magical
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
