Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
