Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
