haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
