my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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