i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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