Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
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A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize