Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
