I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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