let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
