I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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