Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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