My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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