I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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