At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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