everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
