he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
