I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
