This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
