tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
