This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
