i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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