I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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